joke Archive

Refugees – A Modest Proposal

There can be no better or more welcoming approach to housing the remaining 8.000 Syrians and Iraqis than to dedicate a mere 30% of University-provided accommodation to doing good.

The Many Faces of Opera

The music lover, opera buff, the poseur, the self-deluder, the bunny and the critic all respond differently to a performance.

Embarrassing Overstatement

So Ciao Mag have, unfortunately, named me as Mr Inner West 2012. While I have always appreciated their tongue-in-cheek tone, this, perhaps, is taking it too far. In particular I have to take them to task for four major errors.

Media Verbs

Redefining verbs, media-style. Proper nouns do make it into the dictionary: Mrs Malaprop and Mr Crapper provide a couple of examples. Given time, some of our media performers may make a similar contribution. [Update: use in a sentence and 12+ added]  To Hartcher: to devalue your own reputation while seeking to protect that of a […]

The Fairfax Readers’ Dictionary I

In past months it seems words have developed a different meaning, especially from our Fairfax-reading friends: Minister for Communications:  Editor Media Standards:  Media Control Social licence  to operate:  ALP licence to operate Socially acceptable outcomes:  That which keeps Steve Gibbons, Swanny and Marieke Hardy in a job Independence:  An ideology espoused when losing other people’s […]

Ban-Fest 2012: 10 More Things Bloomberg Can Ban

If we’re going to ban legal activities because they may have a personal or social cost for a minority who take them to an extreme (thanks, Mayor Bloomberg), then we need to expand the list. We really shouldn’t limit our ban-fest based on discriminatory prejudices about culture or class. My contribution to a more culturally-neutral […]

What More Can They Do In 18 Months?

Seriously, what more can this lot do while they cling to perks for the tribe? We’re really only half way through the celebration of competence that is the Gillard government, and whatever they do for the next 18 months won’t have much to do with governing. Any scenario I imagine probably won’t be half as […]

The Thoughts of Chairman Bill

From our Dear Leader of the Workplace: I support everything I haven’t heard Tuesday is the same as Monday and first week of the month is the same as second week I meant what I said, until I didn’t. It was a Slip of the tongue. If you want to look like Prime Ministerial material, […]

What Not To Say If You Want A Future In Politics 3

I think I’d like to pick Tiffanie The GST is exactly what a minor party should support Hugh, your glasses are sitting in my Doc Martins Mark, I wish you’d stalk that bastard who shafted me in Caucus Driver, Anzac Parade Kensington please Let’s meet at The Table to discuss DAs and whatever else pops […]

What Not To Say If You Want a Future In Politics 2

More quotes real and imagined from those who haven’t done so well subsequently: I’ll just need 17 minutes to make my position clear We’ll change it all once we get in power Two trips to China and a suit do not constitute payment for espionage I’ll have more flexibility after the election A vast right […]

What Not To Say If You Want A Future In Politics 1

Fellow Earthians… I’ve got cash…no wait, I’ll use my HSU card Gareth, your beard looks quite fetching from across the chamber Programmatic specificity I’ll be staying in the city tonight, Belinda I don’t care what Robbo says, I’m going to sell the poles and wires It depends on what the definition of ‘is’ is Vladimir, […]

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